Lost In Words, Hand In Hand
by hallowgirlfrommars
Summary: ""I-" and Castiel says the words quickly. "I could always read you some other pieces of literature" and the angel looks away as if he expects Dean to run out of the room." Dean would be the first to admit he's not a reader. Castiel has a way to remedy that. It involves a lot of reading aloud. And a lot of lying on the same bed. But that's just an accident. Destiel. S8/9


**So, this one literally popped into my head. The three books are, obviously, Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights and To Kill A Mockingbird. It's my headcanon that Cas has read Dean to sleep at least once. Leave a review if you like it :)**

* * *

Dean and Sam might be close and everything, but Dean would be the first to admit they have different interests.

Sammy's always been the kid who studies, the kid who reads, the kid who wants to go to college-that kid that the teachers grin at whenever they see them at the front of the class, that kid that most parents would die to have and constantly tape their papers up all over the fridge.

Of course, most kids don't have John Winchester for a parent.

But Dean-Dean's never been like that. Sure, they were never in school that often anyway. But even once they were done with it, Dean's always been one to go out. Go to a bar, go and find girls, go and race the Impala down back roads. He's always just done stuff, rather than sit around and read about other people doing stuff, like Sammy.

And apparently, Cas.

Dean would have guessed that an angel of the Lord wouldn't have much use for books given he gets all the heavenly battles and stuff in real life, but Cas, for all that he's got his wings and his smiting power, and his heavenly knowledge, is basically a first-class nerd. Whenever they're lying around the bunker together, or Cas is curled in a chair, there's always some book on his lap, Cas's eyes narrowed as they skim over the text, quicker than Dean's ever could. Sammy sometimes reads over his shoulder, chatters about whatever the angel's reading and then they'll get into some conversation about symbolism and metaphor and other stuff Dean doesn't understand.

Dean's never really cared about all that stuff, but he has to admit, listening to two other dudes-even if one's an angel of the Lord-discuss texts and plot devices and character development and stuff, while he sits alone with a can of beer and barely makes it through a Playboy has a real way of making him feel inadequate.

And so it's one night in the bunker that Dean finds himself watching the way Cas's eyes speed over the words, his teeth chewing at his lip the way he does when he's excited, that little tic that's actually kind of-and Dean's got used to stopping his thoughts right there.

And the words come out of his mouth before he can stop them. "Dude, how fast can you read?"

Castiel blinks for a few moments, then slowly lifts his head to meet Dean's, his gaze vague, as if he's been dragged from a much better world. "I suppose I read rather fast" he says slowly, as if he's carefully measuring each word. "I've never really considered it."

Dean raises an eyebrow. "What, you didn't have to read in Bible Study?"

Castiel frowns. "We did not endow our learning with the title of Bible Study-"

Dean holds up his hands. "Never mind." Cas squints at him confusedly but then his eyes drop back to his book and Dean watches him for a few more moments, feeling a weird twinge of something like regret in his chest that Cas has lost interest so quickly.

It's just because he's bored, Dean tells himself, that he gets up from his chair and wanders over to where Cas is sitting, head bent over his book and leans over his shoulder, trying to ignore the heat of Castiel's skin, as he asks, in a would-be casual tone "So, what are you reading?"

Castiel seems to come out a trance, turning to look at Dean before carefully lifting the book so that Dean can read the title. Dean squints at the words. "Pride and Prejudice?"

Castiel smiles slowly, his eyes flickering back to the cover. "It's very good so far" he says, that gravel voice low in his throat and Dean's totally imagining the goosebumps that rise on his arms. Heating must be broken, or something.

Castiel turns back to the book. "It is intriguing" he says and Dean watches as his eyes get lost in the words again, the book taking him somewhere where the problems of this world couldn't touch him if they tried.

Maybe he wants the same thing which is what he's telling himself, as he leans over Cas's shoulder to get a better look at the words. It takes a moment for Cas to realise that Dean's close enough to practically breathe on the back of his neck-the personal space issue has stuck around, after all-and then Cas turns to watch Dean.

Dean looks back and waits for Castiel to say something but the angel just stares, with those big blue eyes inches away, as if waiting for Dean to say something. Dean swallows but no words come and the silence stretches on between them.

It's only then that Cas says "Have you ever read this, Dean?"

"Me?" and Dean laughs before Cas's brow furrows and he remembers that Cas doesn't joke. "Cas, I thought you knew Sammy was the one who got into Stanford?"

Cas's brow furrows again. "What does getting into Stanford have to do with being able to read?"

Dean shakes his head. "Never mind." He moves round to sit on the arm of Cas's chair, his arm stretched along the top. "Nah, Cas, I was never that great at reading."

Castiel frowns. "You can read, though?"

"Dude." Dean feels a weird prickle of annoyance. "Dude, of course I can freaking read." The words come out louder than he intended and Castiel's lips press together into a worried pout.

"Cas." Dean holds up his hands. "Sorry. Didn't mean to-" He shakes his head-this is going to hell the more he says. "I just-never got into reading, you know? Never really had time, being on the road-"

"With your father" says Cas and Dean nods. "Yeah. But it was just-never for me. I mean, Sammy was the smart one, you know?"

Castiel frowns. "You are smart, Dean."

Dean snorts. "Come on, Cas. I get by OK but Sammy-he's the brains."

Castiel shakes his head. "I do not see that." From Dean's frown, the angel elaborates. "I mean, Sam is intelligent, yes. But so are you, albeit in a different way. You know-" and the angel's cheeks flush suddenly. "You know how to speak to people."

Dean laughs again. "That my claim to genius?"

"It is more difficult than it appears" says Cas with the utmost sincerity and Dean can't help but crack up laughing, as much at the vaguely bewildered expression Cas wears as anything else.

He shakes his head and for a moment, his head falls against Cas's. "So, it's good, then?"

Castiel nods. "You can-" And for a moment, he looks shyly nervous. "You could borrow it after me, if you like?"

Dean grins. "That'd be cool, Cas, but all the words-" He trails off, and wonders what Castiel, angel of the Lord, would think of a human being who can't even make his way through a page of Jane Austen.

But he doesn't seem to go any further because Castiel is watching him curiously, his head tilted to one side. "Didn't anyone ever read to you when you were younger, Dean?"

Dean can't stifle another snort of laughter. He can't remember John Winchester ever reading anything to him apart from the best ways to exorcise a demon and how salt should always be carried with a hunter.

Castiel keeps frowning and Dean gets himself under enough control to say "Cas, Dad wasn't exactly the reading type." He knows his mother might have been but he can barely remember her well enough.

Castiel watches him for another moment and then suddenly, as if he's come to a decision, flips back to the front of the book. _"It is a truth universally acknowledged-"_

"Wait. "Dean holds up his hands. "What are you doing?"

"Reading you the first chapter."

Dean frowns. "Cas, you don't have to-"

"I want to" and one of those smiles Cas has comes out, the one that makes his eyes light up and that tugs a grin to Dean's mouth too. "I have not yet experienced the pleasure of reading a text out loud."

Dean bets that's never come out of the mouth of a parent reading a bedtime story. But Cas is looking at him with this look in his eyes-so goddamn eager-and honestly, Dean would feel like kind of an ass if he let him down.

"Go ahead" he says and he leans back against Cas's head, trying to tell himself that this is just his way of getting comfortable.

A smile flickers across Castiel's mouth, a grin that makes his eyes bright and his face alive, but then he turns back to the book, a small hint of excitement in his words. _"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife."_

* * *

Dean has always thought that Pride and Prejudice is kind of the 1700s version of a chick flick but he has to admit, with Cas's voice reading the words and sometimes backtracking a couple of sentences to explain the language, it's pretty interesting. He can't remember ever hearing Cas read aloud before and he can't remember listening to anything being read aloud before.

He definitely can't remember ever having his head fall onto Cas's shoulder before, but in Dean's defence, that's a complete accident. He doesn't even realise he's done it until Cas shifts slightly to let Dean's head shift closer to his neck, and even then, he doesn't pull away. But only because it's comfortable.

That's the only reason.

And so that's how Sam finds them when he gets back, stepping into the room, his eyebrow arching as he sees Cas and Dean curled up in the chair together, and both eyebrows travelling even higher as he sees Cas carefully adjust Dean's head so it burrows a little further into his shoulder.

It takes Dean another moment to open his eyes-OK, they fell shut while Cas was reading but that was just because he's tired, that's the only reason-and to see Sammy watching him with this grin that makes Dean narrow his eyes and think of bringing up every time Sammy used to lisp "Th-ammy" as a kid.

"Hello, Sam." Cas doesn't move, apart from to slide a bookmark in between the pages.

Sam keeps his voice surprisingly steady. "Hey, Cas." It's Dean he stares at, that smirk tugging at his mouth and Dean glowers back.

"We were about to finish anyway" and Cas carefully puts the book back on the table. "My throat hurts."

Dean glances at him. "You didn't say."

Cas smiles. "You were enjoying it."

Sam makes a sound suspiciously like a snort. "What were you reading?"

"Pride and Prejudice." Cas points at the cover and Sam smirks harder. "Have you read it?"

"Yeah, I've read it" and Sam turns away, that smirk still playing around his lips. "People who are meant to be, huh?"

Castiel nods and Dean wishes that glares could burn through skin.

Sam holds up his hands and turns to the door. "Don't let me keep you guys." There's another sound that's way too much like laughter for Dean's liking and he grits his teeth as he turns back to Cas.

Castiel is watching him and Dean swallows. "Didn't know your throat was hurting" he says, the words low in his throat, and Castiel shrugs. "I can read more another time."

Dean nods without thinking and Cas gives him that smile again. And it's got nothing to do with the fact that smile brightens Cas's eyes and makes something buzz in Dean's chest, pulls a grin to his own mouth.

It's just because he wants to find out what happens next, that's all.

* * *

When Cas says "We could read in the library, Dean" the next evening, Dean just gets up without thinking. He just wants to see what happens next so there's absolutely no freaking reason for Sammy to sit smirking at his plate like a really satisfied cat. Dean hates cats.

He also hates his brother's smirk which is why his fist accidentally catches Sam's shoulder as he walks past.

Once Castiel sits down, it only takes a moment for Dean to sink onto the arm of the chair next to him. It's not until he's sat down that he realises what he's done, and by then it's too late to get up. That's what Dean tells himself anyway.

Castiel simply carries on reading from exactly where they picked up last time and Dean leans a little against him. Just because it's more comfortable. That's all.

Cas actually has a pretty good reading voice. Maybe it's just with him explaining it, the words sound a bit simpler and somehow, at some point, Dean's head falls onto Castiel's shoulder and the sound of the angel's words are falling directly into his ear.

It's a few chapters before Castiel leans back and swallows. Then, he coughs. Then, he coughs again.

Dean glances at him. "Jeez, sorry, Cas-" He sits up and realises that he and Cas are sitting way too close. As in, close enough that Dean's head has been lying on Castiel's shoulder the whole time. _That _kind of too close.

Castiel holds up a hand. "I am fine, Dean." He swallows, then coughs again. "I just-did not realise that reading aloud could be trying for human voices." He coughs again and Dean starts to scramble off the arm of the couch. "You want some water-"

Castiel shakes his head. "I will be fine in a moment" he says and somehow, his hand grasps onto Dean's arm. Dean's other arm falls around his shoulders and somehow, somehow his hand ends up rubbing Castiel's back. His hand moves in slow, soothing circles as Castiel slowly regains his breath.

"Thank you, Dean" he says eventually. "With my grace fading, I suppose there are-some elements of humanity that remain difficult to me."

"Like reading aloud without coughing?"

Castiel nods. "It is one of the greatest banes of humanity."

Dean waits until he can speak without laughing before he goes on. "Don't worry, Cas. We can finish it another time."

Castiel frowns. "You want to continue this, Dean?"

Dean frowns, too. "Yeah, I-Yeah, I mean if you want-I mean, only if you want-" His cheeks feel uncomfortably warm and Castiel is chewing at his lip in a way that seems a little too adorable-and OK, why the hell is Dean thinking of Cas as freaking _adorable?_

"I-" and OK, Dean has never seen an angel blush before. "I would like to continue this-if you would."

"Oh. Well. Yeah. Good" and this is getting dangerously close to sounding like a _date _and really, what the _hell?_

"I suppose reading is pleasurable" and the last thing Dean needs is the word _pleasure _in his head right now. But Cas sighs, and nestles his chin in one hand. "It makes me forget things."

Dean looks at the angel for another moment and then moves a little closer to him. Just to put a hand on his shoulder. That's all.

"Forget what?" and Cas sighs and looks up at him, and maybe Dean's never noticed how blue Cas's eyes are before.

"I suppose-the things I have done wrong" and Castiel shakes his head and leans back against the chair. "Do not worry, Dean. It is not your concern."

"Yeah, it is" and Dean's voice is a little louder than he expected. "Freaking hell, Cas, you're important. I don't want you-keeping stuff to yourself."

Castiel looks up at him and OK, they're way too close. Way too close. But he can't pull away now. That would just be rude.

So Cas just nods and says "Thank you, Dean." And maybe Castiel's head falls against Dean's shoulder.

And OK, maybe Dean lets his arm slide around Castiel's shoulders for a moment and maybe that moment stretches out a bit and maybe that's why Sam comes in and starts wearing that stupid smirk again when he sees them curled up together and maybe that's why Dean has to start reminding Sam of the time that woman in the motel called him Samantha by mistake-but that's just a little slip. Between two friends.

Means nothing.

* * *

Dean actually kind of finds himself dreading the moment they come to the end of the book.

But they do. When Cas finishes the last line, there's a pause before he lets the book fall gently closed, and Dean leans back, barely noticing his head is against Cas's shoulder.

"Cool" he says, which might be pretty stupid for a book that's described as one of the best novels of all time (Dean saw it once on a late-night TV show.)

Castiel nods. "I believe that would be a good estimation."

Dean snorts with laughter because of course Cas would think "cool" would be a good estimation.

"I like it, though" and Castiel gives the book an affectionate pat, as if it's a toy. "It is cheering to think that obstacles can be overcome."

Dean gives Cas a look. He's never known Cas to show any serious interest in anyone, so he can only presume that Cas is referring to some of the other crap they've gone through. But Cas is watching Dean thoughtfully, with his head on one side, and Dean glances away from the big blue eyes.

"Dean-" and Cas swallows. "I got this book from the library" and he glances at the shelves as if they might bite him.

Dean feels his brows furrow. "Yeah. So?"

Castiel swallows and those big blue eyes widen. "Do you think-" and he chews at his lip. "Do you think anyone would mind if I took it?" The pleading look in the big eyes and the chewing of the lip is completely at odds with the gravel voice.

Dean snorts. "Help yourself."

Castiel smiles, and it's a smile that makes him light up from the inside and makes Dean have to look away because it obviously has no effect on him. Because dudes grinning like that doesn't have any effect on another dude. Unless they're gay. Which Dean is not. Absolutely.

It's just...Cas.

And Cas is chewing his lip and letting his eyes dart about and it shouldn't be as sweet as it is because Dean should not be finding Cas this cute. And where the hell did that thought come from, finding Cas cute?

"Dean" and Castiel isn't looking at Dean for once, he's staring anywhere other than Dean. "There are a lot of other good books, you know."

"Sure there are" and why the hell is it hard to look at Cas right now?

"I-" and Castiel swallows and says the words quickly. "I could always read you some other pieces of literature" and the angel looks away as if he expects Dean to run out of the room.

Dean opens his mouth, then closes it again. "I-yeah-yeah-I-yeah." Words are fighting with each other to climb out of his mouth and they're all losing the battle.

Cas is swallowing and his face is flushed red. "I mean, I mean, I understand, Dean, of course I understand that you do not wish-"

"Cas-" Dean cuts across him because he doesn't think he can stand to see Cas babble any more and he can't decide if it's because it's agonizing or because it's adorable.

"Cas, it's-I'd-yeah" he says because that's just the simplest way of putting it.

Castiel's eyebrows contract. "Yeah?" he says and Dean's hand somehow ends up on his shoulder because the way Cas says the word, as if it's an experiment, is just that freaking-what would Sam say? Endearing, or something like that.

"Yeah, Cas. That'd be cool" and the way Cas smiles at that, it pulls Dean's mouth into an answering grin.

* * *

It's the next night that Cas trots up to Dean, with those same eyes and that little smile tugging at his mouth. "I have another book you may like" he says and Dean's already following him to the library, completely ignoring the grin breaking out on Sam's face because Sam's an idiot who doesn't know anything except what they teach kids at Stanford.

They don't even argue this time about curling up in the chair together. Castiel just lets Dean settle in next to him, his head fall against his shoulder, and Cas starts to read.

It starts with some guys called Lockwood and Heathcliff and some weird dream though it gets interesting once a ghost starts coming into it, and tapping at the window. And then it becomes about these two kids growing up together, their father dying, and one of them being battered by the girl's elder brother. Dean has to admit, there's something kind of gripping about the whole thing.

Castiel slows as he comes to the kids being dragged into somebody's house and the girl, Cathy, being left behind. He glances at Dean. "Am I tiring you?" he asks, and his voice is raw in his throat.

Dean pulls himself up and stares at Cas, reaching out without thinking to smooth away the crease between the angel's eyebrows with one thumb. "Jeez, Cas, no." He blinks, realising for the first time how heavy Castiel's eyelids look and he glances at the clock for the first time since they walked into the room. "Cas, you look exhausted."

Castiel scrubs gently at his eyes. "I suppose reading aloud can be a little tiring."

Dean feels himself laugh as Castiel slumps against him, his head falling against Dean's chest. Dean feels his breath catch in his throat, and Cas shifts a little, letting his head shift against Dean's ribs, his ear against Dean's heart. Dean wonders wildly if Castiel can hear his heartbeat, which is ridiculous because why would it be faster.

But Cas doesn't move and it occurs to Dean that Cas is weirdly still, his face flushed against Dean's shirt, that trench coat wrapped around them both like a shield against the rest of the world. Dean feels his fingers braid themselves into it for a moment, one of them dangerously close to Cas's hair.

Dean doesn't know how long it is before he wakes up to find his own arms wrapped around Cas's shoulders, Cas's head nestled against his chest. And he doesn't know why he just lets his own eyes flicker closed again, his face falling against Cas's hair.

Of course, Sam stands there with the most annoyingly smug grin imaginable on his face the next morning, when he finds Dean and Cas curled up there in the library, but Sam doesn't know anything anyway.

* * *

The next few nights, they don't talk about how they end up curled up in the same way each night while Castiel reads about Cathy and Heathcliff and Dean chips in with the occasional comment. ("Cathy's kind of a bitch when she's angry", "Heathcliff's getting a freaking raw deal"). Cas's lips twitch every time Dean says something which makes Dean do it even more. He prefers not to think about why.

When Cas gets to what he describes as one of the most famous speeches in literature and Dean describes as "pretty cool", his head falls against Dean's as he murmurs the words. _""He is always, always on my mind-not always as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.""_

Castiel pauses for a moment, and Dean can feel his breath on his skin, and his fingers have sort of woven themselves into Cas's hair and it's just an accident-of course it's just an accident.

Just. A freaking. Accident.

Cas goes on reading and then stops at the bit where Heathcliff comes back. He presses his lips together. "My apologies, Dean. My voice is in pain."

Cas looks so hilariously crestfallen at the failure of his voice that Dean lets his hand weave back into Cas's hair, and Castiel sighs, letting his head fall against Dean's shoulder.

"Cathy's a bitch" Dean says for something to fill the silence.

Castiel sighs. "I would have phrased it differently but I agree with the sentiment."

Dean laughs. "She should have just stuck with the Heathcliff guy."

Castiel swallows. "What if...she thought she was doing the right thing for them both-and she found out she wasn't?"

Dean props himself up on one elbow to stare at Cas. "Cas" he says, and he slides a hand under Castiel's chin, without thinking. "It's not like you, OK? Not one freaking bit of what she did is like you."

Castiel tries to smile but it comes across as painful. "You don't have to spare my feelings, Dean. I know that the things I've done-"

He trails off but that's because Dean's pulled him into a hug, letting his head rest against Dean's shoulders. "Listen-" Dean doesn't look at him because for some stupid reason his eyes feel damp and that's just crazy.

"Cas, you're not like that, OK? So you've done some crappy stuff." Castiel winces but Dean ploughs on. "Who hasn't? You're not like her."

Castiel stares at the chair for a moment and Dean has to resist the urge to push his bottom lip back in. "Cas?"

"I suppose so" but Castiel still lets his head slump against Dean's shoulder, and Dean doesn't push him off. It would just be mean. And that's the only reason.

* * *

It takes a few nights to get to the end. When Castiel reads the last line and lets the book fall shut, Dean leans his head against Cas's shoulder. He kind of wants to produce a summary better than "cool" with this book.

"Interesting" he says, after a moment.

Castiel nods. "Dean." He draws his eyebrows together in a frown. "I cannot decide whether or not the ending was happy."

Dean would laugh except it looks as though this dilemma poses a real problem to Cas. "Cas, don't worry about it."

Castiel looks at Dean. "Do you think it is possible to be happy after one is dead?" he says and Dean should have known reading this book was a bad idea.

"I don't know" he says, rather than go into the ethics and emotions of death with an angel.

"When I was gone, I felt nothing" says Castiel, pulling his knees up and leaning his chin on the top, with his legs covered in a trench coat. The move shouldn't be as adorable as it is. He glances at Dean anxiously. "Do you think they felt something?"

Dean's about to respond that he'd hope not, since they're fictional, when he gets a glimpse of Cas's big blue eyes, the anxious way he's chewing at his bottom lip, and swallows hard. "Yeah" he says simply, because Cas is looking at him like that and for some reason, this is important to Cas, and Dean's not going to be the one to screw this up.

Castiel's eyes light up again and Dean should not have the urge to pinch his cheek.

"Dean" says Castiel again, after a few moments of silent thought. "You often look tired when we are in here."

Dean rubs his hand across his eyes. "Yeah, well-we're often in pretty late."

Cas's eyes are darting again and his face is flushed and Dean closes his own eyes. "What is it, Cas?" he says but it comes out far softer than he expected.

Castiel keeps his gaze angled away the entire time he's speaking. "I just thought it may be more helpful if we could read in your bedroom-you could be-less tired-if you would like-I mean, I, I, I-" His words are about to devolve into babbling and Dean's fingers tickle Castiel's neck as he slides his arm around him, and that's just being friends. Obviously. Even when Dean says sure, that'd be cool and Cas smiles again with those eyes, it's just friends. Obviously.

* * *

Sam does not have the same opinion.

Dean's only taken a few steps down to his room when he notices Sam leaning against the wall with his arms folded, his head tilted to the side, and a smile that annoys Dean more than three demons messing up the Impala.

"Had fun?" and seriously, if this was a demon and Dean had his blade, this would be over within five seconds.

He relies on a finger gesture instead and Sam shakes his head. "No, seriously, dude-you and Cas-" Sam seems to be fighting a smile and failing. "You're-you know-spending a lot of time together-"

"We just _read."_ Dean says the word _read_ as if he's saying _stab._

Sam blinks. "You read?"

Dean feels his jaw set. "Yeah."

Sam shakes his head. "No-seriously, you read?"

Dean feels his eyebrows contract. "Cas reads to me."

It takes about five minutes for Sam to stop laughing. Dean's about to walk off when Sam holds up a hand. "Dude, seriously, that's kind of cute."

"Shut up, Sammy."

Sam suddenly looks concerned. "You don't make him read you porn, do you?"

"Yeah, Playboy."

Sam stares at him. "Seriously, what's going on with you two?"

Dean would be more inclined to think about the question if it weren't for the fact Sam's mouth is twitching at the corner.

"Shut up, Sam" he says instead, and Sam arches an eyebrow. "Fine, I'll just stay out of the library if I don't want to poke out my mind's eye."

"We're not going in the library any more." Dean grits his teeth because he already knows what Sam's next question is going to be.

"Then where are you going?"

Dean doesn't look at his brother. "My bedroom."

He gets a great deal of pleasure out of slamming the door as Sam collapses into laughter.

* * *

By the time the next night rolls around and Castiel appears with something about mockingbirds, Dean's kind of starting to regret agreeing to his bedroom. But when he looks at Cas with those big wide blue eyes, at the way Cas is clutching this book as though he's afraid Dean might snatch it off him, he can't bring himself to say no.

He'd kind of expected Cas to sit in the chair but when Dean climbs onto the bed, Cas climbs up right next to him. Dean guesses he can't object-he and Cas have spent the last few nights curled much closer, but he seriously doesn't want to consider Sam's expression if he comes in and finds his brother and an angel lying on the bed together.

Besides, there's a little more space on the bed.

He doesn't acknowledge the fact that as Cas launches into the first chapter, he's already wriggled over a little so that his coat's brushing Dean's thighs and that Dean isn't moving away. It's easier not to.

This book is actually pretty good-two kids with weird names like Scout and Jem and their friend Dill and a dad they call Atticus, and something about it's kind of appealing. Dean lets his head fall against Cas's shoulder and tries not to think about what Sam would say.

Two nights take them through half the book, and Dean's frowning, eyes narrowed as he listens. "The Atticus guy's cool" he says when Cas takes a break from reading.

"I am fond of him" agrees Castiel, his voice a hoarse rasp in his throat. "He has many moral principles."

Dean feels his lips twitch. "Like you."

Castiel looks back for a moment and his eyes are sad as he watches the hunter. "No, Dean, not like me."

Dean opens his mouth but Cas is already looking back at the book. Dean presses his lips together but he keeps his eyes on Cas, keeps watching him, even though Castiel waits until Dean looks away to look back.

It's when they get into the courtroom trial that Dean sits up, his head on Castiel's shoulder, and he doesn't even notice that his hand has knotted in Cas's coat. Cas does but he doesn't say anything, he just keeps reading, right up until the point the verdict comes through and Tom Robinson is found guilty.

Dean hears his own intake of breath at the same moment as Cas's and Cas lets the book fall for a moment. Dean lets his head fall against Castiel's shoulder and for a moment the two are silent together.

"But they know he's not guilty" and Dean's surprised to hear his own voice trembling. "They know the dude's not guilty."

"Maybe they're afraid" says Castiel and Dean watches him, their eyes meeting for the first time since Cas said Atticus was not like him.

"Still-"

Cas reads on, and Dean feels the angel's shoulders tense when it's revealed that Tom Robinson is dead, when Scout and Jem are chased through the woods and when Boo Radley saves them-though Dean has to admit, the dude does give off some serious creeper vibes at first. But Castiel's voice is soft as he reads the last lines "-_and would be there when Jem waked up in the morning"_, as he closes the book and lays it down on the bedclothes.

Dean swallows but doesn't say anything. It's Cas who says "I prefer Boo Radley."

Dean shifts awkwardly, only now realising his head's still on Cas's shoulder. "Thought you'd have liked Atticus."

"I do." Castiel is staring straight ahead, his hands folded in his lap. "But I suppose-I know Boo Radley better."

Dean stares at him. "Dude-" and he pulls himself up so that he's leaning against Cas. "What you said-" It's the closest either of them has got to mentioning Cas's earlier comment. "You are kind of like that Atticus guy." Castiel's eyes narrow and Dean shakes his head. "You do what you think's right. Even if it isn't, you think it is."

Castiel shakes his head. "And I've been wrong too many times."

Dean's hands grip Castiel's shoulders. "So freaking what? So's everybody! It's part of life, getting things wrong, Cas!"

Castiel's lips twitch in a small sad smile. "Maybe."

Dean swallows. "And you're not like Boo Radley. OK? You're not-" He has to chew his lip before he says the words. "You're not alone, OK?"

Castiel nods slowly. "Thank you, Dean." But his voice is low and it's only then that Dean says "So who do you think I'm most like?"

Castiel studies him for a long moment and then says "Jem."

Dean blinks. Castiel inclines his head. "You're an elder brother-you protect people. You're kind, you're-" Castiel looks away and Dean smirks. The flush suddenly rising up Cas's cheeks is kind of sweet.

And then Castiel's hand finds it's way into Dean's hair.

Dean freezes, stays absolutely still as Cas pets him slowly, awkwardly. Their breath is hushed between them and Dean doesn't move, until Cas withdraws his hand quickly, his eyes flickering away, his shoulders tensing as if already expecting a rebuff.

"Cas?" and Dean didn't expect his whisper to sound so much like a question.

Castiel swallows. "I'm sorry-" and he looks away. "It's just-Jem didn't mind-having his hair stroked and I thought-I'm sorry-" and he looks at Dean, that quick look, that makes Dean feel as if he's kicked a rabbit. "I'm sorry-"

Dean's hand covers Castiel's mouth before he can think of what he's doing. "Cas" he says and slowly his thumb moves. He doesn't know what he's doing, doesn't even think about it. He just does it.

Cas's lips part and his eyes close. For a wild moment, Dean wonders if Cas is going to pull away but the angel's hand closes over his. "Dean-" His name is a whisper.

"Cas?" This name is a question and Castiel's eyes open, blue and blazing, to answer it.

"I'm not like Atticus" he whispers and the whisper is fierce. "I want something."

"What do you mean?" Dean knows exactly what Cas means but he wants the angel to say it somehow.

"I-I-" And Dean sees something set suddenly in Cas's gaze and then the angel's hand slides under Dean's chin and he darts his head forward and presses his mouth to Dean's in a quick, burning kiss.

It only lasts a few seconds and then Cas pulls away, his eyes bright and his face flushed but his chest rising and falling rapidly. "I'm sorry-"

He doesn't get a chance to finish the apology because Dean's already tilted his head and pressed his mouth to Castiel's. It's longer this time, softer, and when Dean pulls away, Castiel opens his eyes and stares at him, really stares. "Dean" he says and this time the name is just soft, under his breath.

Dean tries for a grin. "Should read more often" he says and Castiel laughs, a low, happily disbelieving sound before Dean leans forward again, this time his hand sliding into Castiel's hair.

* * *

When Sam pushes Dean's door open later, he doesn't laugh when he sees the book discarded between them on the bed and he doesn't laugh when he sees Cas fast asleep with his head on Dean's chest, his shirt untucked, his tie loosened and his hand wrapped tight in Sam's brother's. He doesn't laugh when Dean murmurs something in his sleep, rolling over to wrap his arms more firmly around Cas's shoulders, bringing their heads together so that they're the shape of two spoons.

He is going to tease them about it for the rest of time, though.

But for now, he just shakes his head and lets the door swing shut behind them, leaving Dean and Cas lying on the bed, the book spread open between them, lost in their words and their dreams, their arms around each other, hand in hand.

* * *

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